Won fourth place (5,883 writers in 210 groups)

”Adverse Reaction” by Gant Laborde –     WHAT THE JUDGES LIKED ABOUT YOUR STORY –

{2523}  This piece develops an intense and mystifying sense of urgency from its first lines, using present-tense narration to startling effect. I especially appreciate the faith that the author places in the reader to get up to speed, demonstrating a keen intuition for what doesn’t need to be explained, which is an invaluable skill to hone. The action scenes feature clear blocking and gripping stakes, and the locked box mystery of the amnesiac Michael is a wonderful narrative conceit. On a mechanical and technical level, this is a well-crafted piece of fiction.

{2471}  The opening is excellent – I was immediately hooked by your world-building through Michael’s senses, and the momentum kept building from there. It has a gripping mystery as we work out what happened with Michael, and the mark of a great mystery thriller is that we don’t know what to believe – Michael’s delirium is convincing enough to be right. You satisfactorily build unease, and even though Chuck gives us reason to trust him, there is enough dramatic irony to give a slight reason to doubt.

{1846}  This is an absorbing and lively read that features a thrilling plot and compelling characters. The narrative is skillfully paced and structured so that the sense of a great mystery and a dark secret builds. For example, the opening scene is gripping because readers alongside Michael work to unlock a series of strange mysteries from how he got back inside the pharmacy to the why the recordings were erased and the meaning of the writing on the bathroom wall. The prose itself is striking and often evocative, such as how the “pharmacy monitors stare back” or the way Chuck’s words “hang like a noose in Michael’s thoughts.” Even the diction is strong and often includes great muscular verbs such as how his voice “belts”. When Chuck arrives at the pharmacy, the plot thickens to excellent effect; additionally, an extra layer of conflict is revealed in Chuck’s plan of revenge and his statement that Michael ruined his life. What is more, the action sequences are fantastic. The final reveal when Chuck opens the safe is also surprising and thrilling.